When I was an alien

Drowning myself to the addictive music of Nevermind while relaxing after those dreadful hours in class -- that’s how I usually spend my time with the laptop. Days grew by and alienation really is conquering me seriously. Next track: Come As You Are. As the weird guitar sound exhumes my inner thoughts, the deeper I feel the pain that has been there for a long time. 2 years, I think.

Memory, yeah… It echoes in my mind.

Almost 2 years and yet boredom is still there. Excitement is dead, just like punk or grunge. Fads rise in the airwaves and I am sick of it. I am not a hater but it is a vexation in me. And the worst part of that? I always hear it every day- whether in school or inside the mall. And suddenly, all things had gone quiet. Everything is very calm. No sound of distress around calling me for an errand or to do something. I turned off the music. The silence is too loud. Crystal clear. The wind outside the window breezes coolly as ever. Still thinking those stupid thoughts in my head, I comforted myself as I lay in my bed and look at the ceiling, staring as if it were made in a transparent glass, hence, like looking at the stars amidst the obscure skies of Metro Manila.

I suddenly stumbled upon an old suitcase that I always bring during my high school days; the trademark of my rudeness during those days. I tagged it as the keeper of all important things in my life, just like a treasure chest abandoned for years. I opened it up. The scent of old papers and ink oscillated in my nostrils. Dusts covered some of those memories hidden: those sketches I used to draw when I was bored while waiting for the next teacher, the projects where our group got the highest grade in the class, the certificates from the art contests and quiz bees, my high school diploma with my name and rank in our whole batch, included there is the certificate for a prestigious leadership award that I got during my graduation.

All of these are fragments of my past which is unknown to some. I don’t conceal them as secrets but I am not publicizing it to my friends either. As I closed that plastic suitcase, my sadness deepened and pierced me so much. Seems like those people that I have been close for 4 years are now so far away as we lead and direct our own paths to our own goals and dreams.
I just smiled when I saw a post in Facebook that sounds like this:

Di porket di na tayo close, wala na akong pakialam sa iyo.

Seems legitimate, especially to my situation.

It’s like lightyears. The near is still so far and it deceives me so much.

And all of these things still bothers me up to now.

(Infinite silence… Close my eyes… Search beyond my dreams.)
(*The title is taken from a line in the Nevermind album. Guess?)