Since most of the time, I will be writing a lot of things as part of my newfound work, I’ve decided to revive this blogsite so that I can improve my writing skills!
It’s been a while since I really immersed myself into serious writing. As far as I can remember, I did a lot of writing duties when I was in high school than in college (with the exception of our thesis and some research papers) and I believe that the best way wherein I can fully express myself in this new life is through writing.
I may not be a good writer. But at least, I am doing my best to improve and hone my craft.
Miyerkules, Agosto 5, 2015
Martes, Hunyo 16, 2015
The Start of My New Life in Hell
Sorry for the term. What I mean here is law school.
I just learned that I passed at the San Beda College of Law entrance test and to be honest, I am not really excited at all. Instead of excitement, what I feel right now is being scared. I will be going to a dark and dismal place where survival of the fittest is the game. If college life is already a pressure cooker, consider law school as inferno. And the only person who can help me to survive is no other than myself.
It’s a crazy thought to enter law school. I never imagined myself entering it years ago. Before, I have made a decision that I’ll take a Master’s degree in International Studies or Political Science. But the opportunity to study abroad is making it so impossible in our situation right now so what I thought is that I should become a lawyer first and work hard before taking up Master’s degree in my dream school abroad. Being a lawyer is also my dream since high school. Whether or not I am making the right decision is debatable but at least I am trying to do something which is not really stupid…or so I thought.
Why did I choose San Beda anyway?
San Beda College of Law is one of the best law schools in the country. Aside from UP and Ateneo, San Beda is a monster in the field of law. Just last year, a Bedan topped the bar. No doubt that law students are being trained and pushed so hard to become good lawyers. Even before I passed my requirements for the entrance examination, I know that life there would be different from my previous years in high school or college. Intelligence is not enough to survive…and I am already having goosebumps on what my first day at law school would be like and the next days to come.
Maybe I’ll flunk. Maybe I’ll survive. But I made this decision. I have to be firm on this. This is what I really wanted anyway…to become a lawyer someday.
Another four years…or five. This life is really getting crazier.
I just learned that I passed at the San Beda College of Law entrance test and to be honest, I am not really excited at all. Instead of excitement, what I feel right now is being scared. I will be going to a dark and dismal place where survival of the fittest is the game. If college life is already a pressure cooker, consider law school as inferno. And the only person who can help me to survive is no other than myself.
It’s a crazy thought to enter law school. I never imagined myself entering it years ago. Before, I have made a decision that I’ll take a Master’s degree in International Studies or Political Science. But the opportunity to study abroad is making it so impossible in our situation right now so what I thought is that I should become a lawyer first and work hard before taking up Master’s degree in my dream school abroad. Being a lawyer is also my dream since high school. Whether or not I am making the right decision is debatable but at least I am trying to do something which is not really stupid…or so I thought.
Why did I choose San Beda anyway?
San Beda College of Law is one of the best law schools in the country. Aside from UP and Ateneo, San Beda is a monster in the field of law. Just last year, a Bedan topped the bar. No doubt that law students are being trained and pushed so hard to become good lawyers. Even before I passed my requirements for the entrance examination, I know that life there would be different from my previous years in high school or college. Intelligence is not enough to survive…and I am already having goosebumps on what my first day at law school would be like and the next days to come.
Maybe I’ll flunk. Maybe I’ll survive. But I made this decision. I have to be firm on this. This is what I really wanted anyway…to become a lawyer someday.
Another four years…or five. This life is really getting crazier.
Linggo, Abril 5, 2015
An Inch Closer to my Political Science Degree
After four years of struggle in a state university with a not-so-easy undergraduate course and a not-so-friendly environment, I can finally say that I made it through…somehow. After all of the headaches and deadlines, not to mention the stress and pressure, I can now say that I have just finished another chapter in my life.
Is the journey the way I expected it to be?
Sad to say, it’s a big no. I learned my lesson the hard way.
One failure that I have right now is not to graduate with honors. If everything else would have gone smoothly, I could have graduated as magna cum laude in our batch. But then again, is it really a failure in my part? Or is just that awards and recognitions are not really the end all, be all of everything?
Four years ago, I was an honor student. I know the feeling of having so many awards and medals. I even snotched a prestigious leadership award. Well, I am not saying that I did not excel during my college life. I even got so many awards and handled positions in different organizations in our college. It’s just unfortunate that I became a victim of a system which needs to be fixed. Or maybe I was just so unlucky.
Speaking of luck, I really don’t believe in such. Things are predetermined. Either by a force we cannot fully explain or simply because of causality.
This failure forced me to take a silent revenge. No, not really revenge. I just promised to myself that I’ll push myself to excel more in law school. That someday, despite the challenging journey of being lawyer, I can be one. I think that would be a compensation to the stupidity that I had now.
Is the journey the way I expected it to be?
Sad to say, it’s a big no. I learned my lesson the hard way.
One failure that I have right now is not to graduate with honors. If everything else would have gone smoothly, I could have graduated as magna cum laude in our batch. But then again, is it really a failure in my part? Or is just that awards and recognitions are not really the end all, be all of everything?
Four years ago, I was an honor student. I know the feeling of having so many awards and medals. I even snotched a prestigious leadership award. Well, I am not saying that I did not excel during my college life. I even got so many awards and handled positions in different organizations in our college. It’s just unfortunate that I became a victim of a system which needs to be fixed. Or maybe I was just so unlucky.
Speaking of luck, I really don’t believe in such. Things are predetermined. Either by a force we cannot fully explain or simply because of causality.
This failure forced me to take a silent revenge. No, not really revenge. I just promised to myself that I’ll push myself to excel more in law school. That someday, despite the challenging journey of being lawyer, I can be one. I think that would be a compensation to the stupidity that I had now.
Sabado, Hulyo 19, 2014
Supersonic
I am hoping that this would be my final year in college. My last year which would, hopefully, determine what life will be after. Is it me working in a transnational NGO? Is it me working in the government? Is it me studying again? Or is it me being idle (unemployed)? Well, I am not really sure but I am just hoping that I would make it through…somehow.
I am feeling supersonic.
Well, back in high school, I do not really see Political Science as my undergraduate course. It’s actually Economics or Film which is in my mind back then. The thing which forced me to take Political Science is because of the mindset to take up Law someday (and they say that it is a good pre-law course). But college life made me dubious as to whether I shall pursue Law or not. I mean, sure, Law would secure my future and everything but I think it would take a toll in my life (not only academically but also financially). But in terms of eagerness, I am willing to sacrifice and enter the gates of inferno. Haha.
So in short, I am not really sure on what my life would be after this chapter. The same feeling that I had when I was in fourth year high school. Very stupid of me.
I am feeling supersonic.
Well, back in high school, I do not really see Political Science as my undergraduate course. It’s actually Economics or Film which is in my mind back then. The thing which forced me to take Political Science is because of the mindset to take up Law someday (and they say that it is a good pre-law course). But college life made me dubious as to whether I shall pursue Law or not. I mean, sure, Law would secure my future and everything but I think it would take a toll in my life (not only academically but also financially). But in terms of eagerness, I am willing to sacrifice and enter the gates of inferno. Haha.
So in short, I am not really sure on what my life would be after this chapter. The same feeling that I had when I was in fourth year high school. Very stupid of me.
Unedited
This could be the weirdest thing that I will post in this site.
Well, this is all about being in love… again.
I despise romantic movies, even until today that I have romantic feelings with someone. I still cannot fathom how such elements would come into picture in reality. I do not really know whether those things that we see in the movies were purely sensationalized by the media as a form of reality that we should expect from our own love story. This story of mine, I might say, is not that kind of story that is worth telling but for the sake of letting these thoughts out of my head, I’ll spill it out anyway.
I met her when I was second year in high school (that was ages ago). For the entire duration of our high school life, we never had an actual conversation because I am not really that close to her. I simply just knew that she was my classmate and that’s all. There came a time when someone told me that she likes me (secretly) and honestly, I did not really care at all or maybe because during that time, I do not really have any interest in those kinds of things.
Three (or four) years after and I do not really have any news about her at all. It just happened that when April 2014 came, I have this dire need for assistance in order for me to finance my expenses in an international conference to be held in South Korea (unfortunately, I didn’t make it due to some problems in the processing of visa) . I messaged almost all of my former classmates in high school and that includes her. She asked me when is my free time so that she can give the money to me. So I set a date then I met her. Well, the last time that I met her was two years ago in a debut of my former classmate.
We had this short talk about each other’s lives and it lasted more than an hour. I never thought that on that day, everything will change. I mean that was the starting point, I think.
In just a couple of days or so, there always comes a moment that I think of her. She haunts me even though I was not asleep. I had this imperative to assess myself what is really happening or maybe this is just temporary and it would soon fade away. Infatuation, I thought.
I think I was wrong. I asked her whenever she is free if we could meet and then it was in her birthday that I confessed that I have feelings for her. I cleared myself that I am not expecting anything in return and I am open for rejection, asking her for a rejection slip (which I tasted when I was in first year in high school).
She admitted to me the gossip that I heard when we were in high school that she liked me. But I did not fully understand what she meant during that time so I just let every moment pass. And then one time, I asked her when shall I receive my rejection slip. She hesitated and said that we were just the same. Well, everything that she says, just like mine, is not really direct to the point but is delivered in an implied manner. The question that then hinged in my mind is what would happen next.
Well, honestly I do not really know. Although I know that we have both the same feelings, I am stuck in this void of what shall I do at the end because seriously, I really do feel that I am not ready in those kinds of things and I am still immature, to be honest. Aside from that, I want to prioritize something else due to some pressure from some known relatives. I do not expect something from me but they do and I always hate it. I am not a very romantic person ( I consider my myself a geek-like weirdo) and it feel so strange that I fell in love with her. I question her existence and why I met her in the first place. Or to be more accurate, I question the timing and why I fell in love with her in the first place.
If this still lasted for more than a year or so, well, I think I know what to do.
Well, this is all about being in love… again.
I despise romantic movies, even until today that I have romantic feelings with someone. I still cannot fathom how such elements would come into picture in reality. I do not really know whether those things that we see in the movies were purely sensationalized by the media as a form of reality that we should expect from our own love story. This story of mine, I might say, is not that kind of story that is worth telling but for the sake of letting these thoughts out of my head, I’ll spill it out anyway.
I met her when I was second year in high school (that was ages ago). For the entire duration of our high school life, we never had an actual conversation because I am not really that close to her. I simply just knew that she was my classmate and that’s all. There came a time when someone told me that she likes me (secretly) and honestly, I did not really care at all or maybe because during that time, I do not really have any interest in those kinds of things.
Three (or four) years after and I do not really have any news about her at all. It just happened that when April 2014 came, I have this dire need for assistance in order for me to finance my expenses in an international conference to be held in South Korea (unfortunately, I didn’t make it due to some problems in the processing of visa) . I messaged almost all of my former classmates in high school and that includes her. She asked me when is my free time so that she can give the money to me. So I set a date then I met her. Well, the last time that I met her was two years ago in a debut of my former classmate.
We had this short talk about each other’s lives and it lasted more than an hour. I never thought that on that day, everything will change. I mean that was the starting point, I think.
In just a couple of days or so, there always comes a moment that I think of her. She haunts me even though I was not asleep. I had this imperative to assess myself what is really happening or maybe this is just temporary and it would soon fade away. Infatuation, I thought.
I think I was wrong. I asked her whenever she is free if we could meet and then it was in her birthday that I confessed that I have feelings for her. I cleared myself that I am not expecting anything in return and I am open for rejection, asking her for a rejection slip (which I tasted when I was in first year in high school).
She admitted to me the gossip that I heard when we were in high school that she liked me. But I did not fully understand what she meant during that time so I just let every moment pass. And then one time, I asked her when shall I receive my rejection slip. She hesitated and said that we were just the same. Well, everything that she says, just like mine, is not really direct to the point but is delivered in an implied manner. The question that then hinged in my mind is what would happen next.
Well, honestly I do not really know. Although I know that we have both the same feelings, I am stuck in this void of what shall I do at the end because seriously, I really do feel that I am not ready in those kinds of things and I am still immature, to be honest. Aside from that, I want to prioritize something else due to some pressure from some known relatives. I do not expect something from me but they do and I always hate it. I am not a very romantic person ( I consider my myself a geek-like weirdo) and it feel so strange that I fell in love with her. I question her existence and why I met her in the first place. Or to be more accurate, I question the timing and why I fell in love with her in the first place.
If this still lasted for more than a year or so, well, I think I know what to do.
Linggo, Mayo 11, 2014
Pana-Panahon
Pansin ko hindi na ako gaanong nagpopost sa blogsite ko. Huli kong post, last year pa. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Kaya ngayon, sisikapin kong maging isang mabuting nilalang at magsulat (ulit) sa abot ng aking makakaya kapag may libreng oras. Napansin ko noong mga nakaraang araw na kailangan kong mag-invest kahit kakaunting oras lang sa mga ganitong bagay, kahit na minsan puro walang kwenta na lang yung nasusulat ko.
Ayun lang naman.
Ayun lang naman.
Linggo, Nobyembre 24, 2013
LAST TIME
I think this isn’t the perfect time for me to write something like this, especially in these times wherein we are on the midst of a terrible academic crisis: from the painstaking undergrad thesis up to those extracurricular activities (i.e. debate trainings, org activities, academic contests), which also requires so much time to the point of taking away our free days from the academe. It just happens that some things need to get out of my head as I believe it is the panacea for me to get rid of overthinking too much, which causes only headache in my part as I struggle to survive the rigors of being a junior political science student.
Time really flies that the next academic year would be my final year in college (hoping that God will let that happen) and then voila! But I don’t expect too much from it for I suffered a lot of consequences of being too excited a few years back when I ultimately want to end things in the easiest way as possible, without even enjoying every moment that counts. Too much regrets came later on as I entered my freshmen year a few years back. Finally, I learned my lesson which I would never ever repeat again.
Third year of my college life is the turning point of my life. Just a few weeks ago, I have finally aced the solution that, more or less, is vital for me moving on from things that make me overthink too much. For the past two years, I am grudging of so many changes to those people I thought I am really close with. I always tell myself about them being unfair. Or is it really unfair? Well, I cannot really answer much of that. I do not think that being busy or what is an excuse to get away from those people you just want to avoid. Ever since I left high school, I lived on the philosophy that my adviser has inculcated to our section – to find time when there is none. I am too stubborn to see the reality that I have faced ever since and being too childish to accept that they have changed, my adjustment period lasted not only one but two years. Two years of being unable to accept the reality that they already moved on and have their own life and, heck, enjoying it while I am not. Change is really inevitable, I admit that. But I cannot find a better way to adjust myself in such changes. Later did I realize that it only takes a piece of advice to at least be enlightened, ergo, I decided to go with the flow.
I need to avoid them, just as what they are doing right now. I need to forget them, just as what they are also doing right now and I’ll enjoy the rest of my years never meeting them again as a whole…for good. But this is stupid. I cannot simply do that. What I just need is a breakaway and a little bit of space. Maybe they’ll realize soon that they have been foolish for the past years. And then they would regret such in the near future. Maybe yes, I have been bitter to them ignoring invitations in regards to meet-ups or mini-reunions. But maybe that’s just it. I am just tired of those things. But I’ll always treasure the moments I had with those people (with style).
As of today, I am feeling better not thinking anymore about those things. I need to focus for my future: graduate on time, enter either the graduate school or law school (kinda crazy). And hopefully, I could reach the point of being able to self-actualize and be like Buddha (just kidding, haha).
Time really flies that the next academic year would be my final year in college (hoping that God will let that happen) and then voila! But I don’t expect too much from it for I suffered a lot of consequences of being too excited a few years back when I ultimately want to end things in the easiest way as possible, without even enjoying every moment that counts. Too much regrets came later on as I entered my freshmen year a few years back. Finally, I learned my lesson which I would never ever repeat again.
Third year of my college life is the turning point of my life. Just a few weeks ago, I have finally aced the solution that, more or less, is vital for me moving on from things that make me overthink too much. For the past two years, I am grudging of so many changes to those people I thought I am really close with. I always tell myself about them being unfair. Or is it really unfair? Well, I cannot really answer much of that. I do not think that being busy or what is an excuse to get away from those people you just want to avoid. Ever since I left high school, I lived on the philosophy that my adviser has inculcated to our section – to find time when there is none. I am too stubborn to see the reality that I have faced ever since and being too childish to accept that they have changed, my adjustment period lasted not only one but two years. Two years of being unable to accept the reality that they already moved on and have their own life and, heck, enjoying it while I am not. Change is really inevitable, I admit that. But I cannot find a better way to adjust myself in such changes. Later did I realize that it only takes a piece of advice to at least be enlightened, ergo, I decided to go with the flow.
I need to avoid them, just as what they are doing right now. I need to forget them, just as what they are also doing right now and I’ll enjoy the rest of my years never meeting them again as a whole…for good. But this is stupid. I cannot simply do that. What I just need is a breakaway and a little bit of space. Maybe they’ll realize soon that they have been foolish for the past years. And then they would regret such in the near future. Maybe yes, I have been bitter to them ignoring invitations in regards to meet-ups or mini-reunions. But maybe that’s just it. I am just tired of those things. But I’ll always treasure the moments I had with those people (with style).
As of today, I am feeling better not thinking anymore about those things. I need to focus for my future: graduate on time, enter either the graduate school or law school (kinda crazy). And hopefully, I could reach the point of being able to self-actualize and be like Buddha (just kidding, haha).
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