LAST TIME

I think this isn’t the perfect time for me to write something like this, especially in these times wherein we are on the midst of a terrible academic crisis: from the painstaking undergrad thesis up to those extracurricular activities (i.e. debate trainings, org activities, academic contests), which also requires so much time to the point of taking away our free days from the academe. It just happens that some things need to get out of my head as I believe it is the panacea for me to get rid of overthinking too much, which causes only headache in my part as I struggle to survive the rigors of being a junior political science student.

Time really flies that the next academic year would be my final year in college (hoping that God will let that happen) and then voila! But I don’t expect too much from it for I suffered a lot of consequences of being too excited a few years back when I ultimately want to end things in the easiest way as possible, without even enjoying every moment that counts. Too much regrets came later on as I entered my freshmen year a few years back. Finally, I learned my lesson which I would never ever repeat again.

Third year of my college life is the turning point of my life. Just a few weeks ago, I have finally aced the solution that, more or less, is vital for me moving on from things that make me overthink too much. For the past two years, I am grudging of so many changes to those people I thought I am really close with. I always tell myself about them being unfair. Or is it really unfair? Well, I cannot really answer much of that. I do not think that being busy or what is an excuse to get away from those people you just want to avoid. Ever since I left high school, I lived on the philosophy that my adviser has inculcated to our section – to find time when there is none. I am too stubborn to see the reality that I have faced ever since and being too childish to accept that they have changed, my adjustment period lasted not only one but two years. Two years of being unable to accept the reality that they already moved on and have their own life and, heck, enjoying it while I am not. Change is really inevitable, I admit that. But I cannot find a better way to adjust myself in such changes. Later did I realize that it only takes a piece of advice to at least be enlightened, ergo, I decided to go with the flow.

I need to avoid them, just as what they are doing right now. I need to forget them, just as what they are also doing right now and I’ll enjoy the rest of my years never meeting them again as a whole…for good. But this is stupid. I cannot simply do that. What I just need is a breakaway and a little bit of space. Maybe they’ll realize soon that they have been foolish for the past years. And then they would regret such in the near future. Maybe yes, I have been bitter to them ignoring invitations in regards to meet-ups or mini-reunions. But maybe that’s just it. I am just tired of those things. But I’ll always treasure the moments I had with those people (with style).

As of today, I am feeling better not thinking anymore about those things. I need to focus for my future: graduate on time, enter either the graduate school or law school (kinda crazy). And hopefully, I could reach the point of being able to self-actualize and be like Buddha (just kidding, haha).