Unedited

This could be the weirdest thing that I will post in this site.

Well, this is all about being in love… again.

I despise romantic movies, even until today that I have romantic feelings with someone. I still cannot fathom how such elements would come into picture in reality. I do not really know whether those things that we see in the movies were purely sensationalized by the media as a form of reality that we should expect from our own love story. This story of mine, I might say, is not that kind of story that is worth telling but for the sake of letting these thoughts out of my head, I’ll spill it out anyway.

I met her when I was second year in high school (that was ages ago). For the entire duration of our high school life, we never had an actual conversation because I am not really that close to her. I simply just knew that she was my classmate and that’s all. There came a time when someone told me that she likes me (secretly) and honestly, I did not really care at all or maybe because during that time, I do not really have any interest in those kinds of things.

Three (or four) years after and I do not really have any news about her at all. It just happened that when April 2014 came, I have this dire need for assistance in order for me to finance my expenses in an international conference to be held in South Korea (unfortunately, I didn’t make it due to some problems in the processing of visa) . I messaged almost all of my former classmates in high school and that includes her. She asked me when is my free time so that she can give the money to me. So I set a date then I met her. Well, the last time that I met her was two years ago in a debut of my former classmate.

We had this short talk about each other’s lives and it lasted more than an hour. I never thought that on that day, everything will change. I mean that was the starting point, I think.

In just a couple of days or so, there always comes a moment that I think of her. She haunts me even though I was not asleep. I had this imperative to assess myself what is really happening or maybe this is just temporary and it would soon fade away. Infatuation, I thought.

I think I was wrong. I asked her whenever she is free if we could meet and then it was in her birthday that I confessed that I have feelings for her. I cleared myself that I am not expecting anything in return and I am open for rejection, asking her for a rejection slip (which I tasted when I was in first year in high school).

She admitted to me the gossip that I heard when we were in high school that she liked me. But I did not fully understand what she meant during that time so I just let every moment pass. And then one time, I asked her when shall I receive my rejection slip. She hesitated and said that we were just the same. Well, everything that she says, just like mine, is not really direct to the point but is delivered in an implied manner. The question that then hinged in my mind is what would happen next.

Well, honestly I do not really know. Although I know that we have both the same feelings, I am stuck in this void of what shall I do at the end because seriously, I really do feel that I am not ready in those kinds of things and I am still immature, to be honest. Aside from that, I want to prioritize something else due to some pressure from some known relatives. I do not expect something from me but they do and I always hate it. I am not a very romantic person ( I consider my myself a geek-like weirdo) and it feel so strange that I fell in love with her. I question her existence and why I met her in the first place. Or to be more accurate, I question the timing and why I fell in love with her in the first place.

If this still lasted for more than a year or so, well, I think I know what to do.